Titan Theory 101
by Fischadler
Summary: "Before you can even think of joining the Military Police, Stationary Guard or Scouting Legion you have to graduate. And to graduate, you need to receive passing grades on the written test." Keith Shadis explained. Because in their three years of training, this is the first they have ever heard of a Titan textbook. [HanjixBeanxSawney]


Title: Titan Theory 101  
Date: October 27, 2013  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Shingeki no Kyojin characters.  
"Before you can even think of joining the Military Police, Stationary Guard or Scouting Legion you have to graduate. And to graduate, you need to receive passing grades on the written test." Keith Shadis explained. Because in their three years of training, this is the first they have ever heard of a Titan textbook. [HanjixBeanxSawney]

**Titan Theory 101**

A severe silence fell upon the classroom.

"W-Written test?" Connie's stutter was the first to break the silence.

"Yes." Their aged instructor vigorously nodded his head, "I hope you have all been keeping up with your readings."

"… Readings?" Sasha's voice did nothing to hide her confusion.

"The textbook." A deep frown was making its way onto Keith's face.

"… Textbook?" Marco tilted his head.

"Enough!" They all flinched, "Three years ago, you all received a textbook on Titan Theory and Behaviour."

"Like a book, book?" Jean leaned forward, as though the gravity of this news was bigger than or just as big as that one time those titans kicked down Wall Maria.

"Isn't a textbook a book?" Eren matter-of-factly pointed out.

"I was just asking, because I don't ever remember getting any sort of book." Jean retorted.

"Yea, but what else is a textbook supposed to look like genius?" Eren shoved his chair back as he stood up.

"I don't know! You tell me." Jean slammed his palms again his desk, also standing and coming face to face with the darker haired boy.

"It's…" Eren paused. Because he really couldn't remember what their so-called textbook looked like. He turned towards their instructor, "Shadis… Sir… Did we really get a textbook?"

The aging man looked positively furiously.

"… I think that's a yes." Armin whispered.

"You're the book nerd. Didn't you read it yet?" Eren muttered back.

"No. I just listen in class." Armin explained.

"Oh… You're a pretty good listener then… No wonder I like talking to you…"

"I like talking to you too."

"No more chit-chatting lovebirds." Keith could feel the vein on his forehead throb almost painfully as he pulled out said book, "This is the textbook. It's actually the only study and textbook of its kind. As you can imagine how difficult it must be killing a titan, imagine capturing one and doing research on those monstrosities. This textbook is actually written by a squad leader of the Scouting Legion: Hanji Zoe, a leading researcher on titans. If you manage to pass this test and choose to join the Scouting Legion, you may one day meet this brilliant woman. In the mean time, you're all very lucky and privileged to have copies of her research."

"They seriously captured a titan?" Eren could feel his jaw drop, he just couldn't wait to crack open the much anticipated textbook.

"… Awesome." Connie's eyes sparkled.

"From the looks of it, you all have over 300 pages of reading material to go through for tomorrow. Get to it." Keith ordered, wondering why he chose to lead the life of an instructor rather than retire and live behind the lovely walls of Sina like his wife had suggested… Was it too late for that now?

* * *

"_Sawney is the name I gave to the 4 metre titan. He's a bit of an introvert, but I know there's a lively sprightly soul hiding behind those beautiful baby blue eyes_-" Eren read aloud and stopped, "… Does this textbook read weird to you?"

"_After an hour of sunlight deprivation, sweet Sawney fell into a deep sleep. Bean was still as lively as ever. I could tell that he wanted me to stay with him, his big mouth gaping like he was begging me to stay. I placed the entirety of my hand over one of Bean's large fingers, hoping to reassure him. I just hope that Sawney doesn't get too jealous._" Jean read from the page he was on.

"So… that's a yes?" Eren arched a brow.

"I should think so." Jean nodded.

Armin took a step into the small dorm room, hesitantly pausing at the doorway. He exchanged a curious glance with Connie who was standing directly behind him, then to Marco, and then to Reiner and Bertholdt. This was probably the only time they had ever witnessed Eren and Jean act civil to one another. It's a shame that it was happening over some oddly written textbook.

"_Case Study #34… Bean tried to take a bite out of me this morning. He was clearly happy to see me_…" Jean read aloud before glancing towards the doorway, "Is there a reason you're all standing there?"

"N-No." Armin exclaimed after suddenly being called out, "So… looks like you two have managed to read a pretty big chunk of the textbook already."

Eren shrugged, "Finding it was harder."

"Mine was under a pile of socks." Bertholdt shared, as he settled into the room with his own textbook at hand.

"I can't believe we have a test tomorrow." Marco sighed, as he sat down next to his best friend.

Jean spared him a glance, "… I wonder what kind of questions are going to be on this test."

"Probably stuff like weak points and-" Connie started…

… and Eren interrupted, "Connie. Read the book."

The shorter boy opened his textbook to a random page, "_I grabbed my spear and shoved it into Bean's chest. His cries were ripping through my soul. I knew he was hurting, but I had to do this. I hope he would understand and forgive me one day. Pulling out, I could see his steaming wounds and I could feel the tears pouring down my own cheeks. And his cries of pain grew louder and more agonizing, as I kept penetrating him deeper and deeper with my spear._"

By now Connie's face was coloured a bright red.

"What page was that on?" Reiner asked, his eyebrow arched in questioning.

"109." Connie muttered, suddenly skittish.

The brawny blond haired boy flipped through his own textbook before landing on said page, "… _Titans are capable of feeling emotions such as jealousy. This is proven as I brought my spear over to Sawney, who had previously watched my spear penetration of Bean. Unlike Bean, Sawney kept his screams on the inside as I kept thrusting my spear into him. Although quiet in nature, I could tell he was upset by the attention I gave to his 7-meter counterpart._"

"Spoiler alert." Jean called out in a monotonous voice, "Sawney is a sadomasochist who enjoys the torture."

"Urgh." Eren shuddered, "Don't remind me of _that_ chapter."

"A what?" Armin spluttered.

"Dark stuff man." Jean replied, returning back to his book and resuming his readings.

Armin blinked.

"It's when you bring knives and whips into the bedroo-"

"Reiner!" Marco scolded, "Armin's like 9 years old."

"I'm actually-"

"_Case study #56_." Eren read aloud, "_In my attempts to find another weak spot on the titan physiology, I made sure to stab every single inch of Sawney's body just like I had done to Bean. Despite both being titans, their differing height classification may also lead to differing qualities. Sawney remains the quiet one, proving that size really doesn't matter. Sawney's small, but he can take it harder than Bean_."

"Are you guys studying?" Christa popped her head into the room.

Almost simultaneously, they all sat upright firmly snapping their textbooks shut.

The small blonde blinked, "Oh! I didn't want to interrupt."

"W-We weren't doing anything… really." Connie's face was still as bright as a tomato.

"Come on! It's better if we all study together!" Ymir threw an arm around Christa's shoulder, leading them both into the room.

"That's right! It's better if we all support each other!" Sasha nodded her head, as she squeezed into the room along with Mikasa and Annie.

After the newcomers settled into the small dorm room, an awkward silence fell upon the group.

"S-So…" Marco shifted around uncomfortably.

"_Prologue_." Mikasa read aloud in her usual clear and unwavering voice, "_In this textbook, Scouting Legion Squad Leader and leading researcher on titan behaviour Hanji Zoe will introduce two of the most stunning life forms she has ever encountered. We will get to witness her amazing connection and bond with these monstrosities, as they interact through her ingenious experimentations for the betterment of humanity_."

"Sounds interesting!" Christa followed along.

"_Chapter 1_." Mikasa continued, "_Case study #1: On the day I met Sawney and Bean, it felt like a huge hole in my heart finally filled. They were tightly tied down with iron wires, firmly securing them to the ground_-"

Eren coughed and Mikasa looked up from her textbook, a small look of concern covering her face.

"So Jean," Eren turned towards the taller boy, "Doesn't this kind of give you a different view on our 3D Maneuver Gear…"

"Tell me about it." Jean didn't sound too enthusiastic, "Of all the other possible things she could do with wires…"

Eren shuddered.

The girls in the room turned towards their male counterparts in confusion.

"They're friends now." Marco explained with a small shrug.

"_It felt fitting to name them Sawney and Bean, after Alexander Sawney Bean: an infamous cannibal from the 16th century. After meeting his soulmate (reportedly a vicious woman) the couple settled into a small cave. They eventually produced multiple offspring and through incest, grandchildren. They survived by ambushing small travelling groups and merchants, bringing their victims bodies back into the cave where they were dismembered and cannibalised_." Mikasa continued to read aloud in a droning voice, "_I hope my research will immortalize Sawney and Bean, just like how the real Alexander Sawney Bean was remembered in history. And perhaps like that nameless woman, I can be the perfect companion to them_."

"-_Sawney gave me that look, like he wanted my spear to penetrate deeper. He knows how to make a woman happy, and I could barely contain my squeals of ecstasy. Putting as much force and weight into it, I thrusted as hard as I could right into him_." Annie interrupted Mikasa by reading from a random page.

The darker haired girl was glaring, "You can't just read from an indiscriminate page."

Annie rolled her eyes, "Who made you captain of the book club?"

"T-This feels really uncomfortable." Connie squirmed in his seat, while Marco looked about as pale as a ghost.

"_Classification of the 4 meter titan, nicknamed Sawney_." Mikasa managed to read aloud despite the fact that her eyes were still darkly fixated on Annie.

And Annie was glaring back with equal intensity. It was just like that one time during hand-to-hand combat training, when Annie was finally willing to show Eren her moves, except Mikasa decided to spar the blonde instead. They all couldn't quite remember who won that fight, except that their instructor Shadis had to break them up after their pretty impressive fight had deteriorated into a slapping match.

"We're actually halfway done the text." Jean coughed, as he nudged Eren on the shoulder.

"Uh... Yea, so we're going to let you guys catch up." Eren stood up, feeling the weight of both glares landing on him.

"Wait… Where are you guys going?" Connie asked, almost desperately, as though he were being abandoned in the middle of titan territory.

"Somewhere to study." Jean explained indifferently, "Isn't it obvious? Eren and I staying here isn't fair to us, because we're both way ahead of you all in the textbook."

"Oh…" Connie uttered, because it was true. But at the same time, it felt really awkward for some reason reading their course material with girls in the room… and even more so, now that Mikasa and Annie were passive aggressively arguing over studying methods.

"Good luck to you all and we'll see you at the test tomorrow." Jean waved goodbye to the group.

"B-But Jean!" Marco called out with a certain urgency in his voice.

"Sorry guys. Sometimes, for self-preservation… _sacrifices _need to be made." Jean explained solemnly before stepping out of the room.

"Hey Armin?" Eren called over to his childhood friend.

The shorter boy instantly stood up. Was Eren offering him an escape route from this really, really awkward studying situation? He could feel his chest twist uncomfortably… Eren was always such a good friend. Eren would always defend him against the bullies and when Eren needed help that one time all those titans entered through the wall and started eating everyone (mom included), he just took off to safety with his own family. Yup, he was the guy who abandoned his friends… and Eren was still doing so much for him now. To think, in this dire situation Eren was offering him an-

"Arm… _out_." Eren waved, "Yo Jean! Wait up. Chapter 12 man…"

"Bro… Seriously… Chapter 12 was intense shit!"

"Dude, Bean's totally in love with Hanji. Not that she doesn't like him back, but come on… she's got some serious vibes with Sawney."

"Sawney always plays hard to get, am I right?"

"For real, girls always go for the bad boy type."

"But man, that time Hanji vivisectioned Bean…"

"High five to that!"

They could head the sound of two hands clapping together, before Eren and Jean's voices grew fainter and the nonexistent. An almost devastating silence falling upon the group. And Armin plopped back down, despair filling every inch of his body... because he was stuck. He was stuck reading a textbook that read like one of Hannes' adult magazines, in a room half filled with girls. Not that girls were a bad thing… but in some cases, there were certain times when the opposite sex needed to do their own thing. And studying Titan Theory and Behaviour was one of those times.

* * *

Epilogue:

"You don't need to do this." Armin's voice was reassuring, but it was something that had to be done. He need to see for himself… He needed to know for certain that it wasn't a dream, and that everything that happened actually happened. He needed to see _her_, in order to really face reality.

It was dark in the basement.

It truly was a place for no titans.

Stepping into the room, he paused… a familiar silhouette standing in front of him.

"Jean?"

After all these years of practically hating each other, they had finally reached an understanding. And now, it felt like he had gained a friend for life.

"Hey Eren." The taller boy sighed, as they both stood side by side looking up into the crystallized face of Annie.

"So… It really did happen… She's really…" As much as he hated to admit it: Annie was the female titan. Annie was the one who caused them all so much grief. And a single thought burned through his mind, "How could she…"

"I know." Armin sounded, "Annie ruined the mission. She's responsible for all those deaths… Erd… Petra… Auruo… Gunter… All those people in the Stohess District…"

"Armin… That's harsh." Jean turned towards the smaller blond haired boy.

Armin blinked in confusion, "B-But it happened."

"No." Eren shook his head, "You're harsh."

"Me?" Armin was more than confused.

"How can you even think about all those people when…" Jean turned back to glare into Annie's frozen face, "She did _that_."

"W-What else did she do?" Armin almost hesitated to ask.

"What kind of question is that?" Eren looked offended, "Didn't you read the textbook too? We all read the textbook… Annie included."

"… Textbook?" Armin tilted his head.

"Hanji found true… _real_ love." Jean shook his head, a grim expression covering his face.

"What Annie did is inexcusable…" Eren agreed.

"Wait…" Something dawned upon Armin, "… Are you guys talking about her responsibility for killing Sawney and Bean?"

"… How are you not?" Jean turned towards him.

"Oh Annie…" Eren sighed, "How could you? Didn't you get one of the highest marks on the written test? I know you read the textbook… You _know_."

And her blank face provided no answers.

**The End.**

Note: Thank you so much for reading. I would love to get any sort of feedback on this story, because I still wanted to keep it a little PG. How did I do? Please review!


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